The Cassette Mixtape
by Dark Star of Chaos
Summary: A collection of short stories centered around the Cassettes and their beleaguered creator.


Being a single parent of six was not easy. Soundwave prided himself in needing no help with most things, but there were certain nightmares he refused to face alone, for the sake of efficiency if nothing else.

Bath time was one of those things. Soundwave wasn't sure what he had done to deserve six creations who _all_ resisted bathing, but it was a curse he was happy to share.

The med bay washracks were the best location for the task, being the only room on base equipped with both sinks and floor drains, so his assistants were usually Constructicons. None of them thanked him for it, or ever volunteered their services. He didn't particularly care.

On this occasion, Scrapper and Scavenger were his unlucky conscripts. They all knew the protocol for bath time: Laserbeak and Buzzsaw actually did enjoy playing in the water and were willing to cooperate as long as they had time for fun, so first a sink was filled for them. The Constructicons got a twin each, and while Rumble and Frenzy didn't resist as much as certain of their siblings, they still squirmed and complained and made a nuisance of themselves. Soundwave himself took Ratbat, who would only accept being wiped down with a damp cloth; any attempt to bring him in contact with water led to such screeching and flailing that one would swear he was being murdered. Ravage - who, as the eldest, _should_ have been setting a good example - was left to prowl the room, or occasionally curl up in an empty sink and glare balefully at them until it was his turn.

The frustrating part was knowing he, like Ratbat, would permit cloth-cleaning. But he went out on so many missions that it simply wasn't sufficient.

The bathing went well at first - or as well as it ever did. Rumble and Frenzy were loud, the avianoids assisted them in splashing water all over the floor, and Ratbat lay across Soundwave's forearm, watching his siblings with fascination and offering only minimal resistance when his wings were wiped down. When he was done, Soundwave left him on the edge of the sink Ravage was sulking in and moved on to Laserbeak and Buzzsaw, who bore their bath with an air of wounded dignity none of the others possessed for even a second.

Then it happened.

"Um… Where's Ravage?" Scavenger asked.

"Suggestion: check shelves," Soundwave said. It wasn't unusual for Ravage to delay the inevitable by hiding behind bottles of cleansers in cassette mode, typically on the top shelf where he was completely invisible from the floor.

Grumbling and scraping sounded behind him as Scavenger conducted his search. Soundwave released Laserbeak, who flew to join Buzzsaw under the air-drier, then turned to find both Constructicons searching the upper shelves. A mental sweep was unnecessary to realize something was wrong; the light, rapid bobbing of Scavenger's shovel tail was a clear sign of building anxiety. A quick scan confirmed that anxiety, and returned some degree of irritation from every Cassette except Ratbat, who was enjoying himself, and Ravage.

Who wasn't in the room.

It was no cause for alarm. Ravage was a grown Cassette who could take care of himself, and there was no danger for him on base. Knowing that didn't stop a wave of concern, though, and it made Soundwave's next words sharper than intended.

"Query: where is Ravage?"

"Ummmm…" Scavenger looked at Scrapper, silently begging for help.

"He can't have left the room," Scrapper said. "The door is closed and there's no other way in. Unless he fit through the drain."

The touch of sarcasm, so unusual coming from Scrapper, spoke volumes of his opinion towards helping in the first place. Soundwave wasn't in the mood to deal with grouchy Constructicons and turned to his remaining creations instead.

"Did any of you see where Ravage went?"

"Uh-huh." Ratbat let go of the showerhead he was clinging to, swinging to hang upside down from it. "He went out."

Soundwave rounded on him. "Out where?"

"Into the ward. He asked if I could open the door, and I could. Then he went out."

"You… can open the door," Soundwave repeated.

Ratbat nodded. "Uh-huh. See, watch!"

He released the showerhead completely and flipped right side up in midair, flying across the room to the door switch. For a moment it seemed that he would continue right into the wall, but at the last second he pulled up, hitting the button with both feet. The door slid open with a soft hiss and Ratbat backed away from the wall, wings beating frantically until he was clear. Then he returned to the edge of the sink that once held Ravage, beaming at his silent creator. "See? I did it."

"Affirmative," Soundwave agreed, staring at the open door.

"Way to go, Batty," Rumble said, impressed.

Soundwave shook himself from his daze and turned to the Constructicons. "Assistance: required."

"You know he could be _anywhere_ out there," Scrapper pointed out.

"Affirmative." Soundwave turned back to the Cassettes. "Stay here."

"Sure thing!" Rumble said brightly. Which probably meant the washracks would be vandalized when they returned.

Soundwave looked back to his reluctant helpers, and didn't need to wonder which of them was more likely to let the Cassettes do as they pleased. "You-" he pointed at Scrapper, "-stay here as well."

"Aww…" Rumble muttered.

Scavenger's tail started bobbing again. Soundwave didn't spare him a glance, just turned and strode from the room.

A cursory scan of the main ward showed no sign of Ravage. It _did_ show Long Haul and Bonecrusher sitting at a table with a tower of crisscrossing metal rods, one of which Bonecrusher was attempting to remove from the side of the wobbling stack.

"Frag it," he muttered as everything above the rod shifted. "Come on… Gotcha!"

"Yeah, yeah, now put it back on top," Long Haul said.

Bonecrusher studied the teetering tower. "Frag it."

Soundwave marched up to them. "Query: have either of you seen Ravage?"

Both looked up at him, then at each other, then back at him.

"No," Long Haul said.

"Kinda busy here," Bonecrusher added. He delicately placed the rod he held on top of the tower, which promptly collapsed on itself. "Aw, frag it!"

"Ha! I win again," Long Haul announced. "Seriously, why do I always get stuck carrying stuff with skills like these?"

Soundwave cycled a slow ventilation and turned from the table to survey the room. Scavenger was already searching, lying flat on his belly to peer under a berth. Soundwave considered warning him about the lack of wisdom in the action, but decided to leave it; if Ravage attacked his face, at least then they would know where he was. Besides, Scavenger had a mask and visor. He would be fine.

Soundwave checked the vents next, but all the covers were in place, and neither Bonecrusher nor Long Haul could have been so absorbed in their game that they would have missed one being opened. The shelves hadn't been messed with either, as far as he could tell - and the way Hook organized things, it would have been obvious if something was out of place. Where could that cat have gone?

"Well, he's not under the berths," Scavenger said; something Soundwave had already surmised from the lack of screams. "You don't think he could have…?"

Soundwave followed his gaze to the door which led to the rest of the base, then turned back to the pair still seated at the table.

"Hey, don't give us that look," Bonecrusher protested, holding up his hands. "Like we said, we didn't see a thing."

No one had. That was the problem. Soundwave glared at both of them, but before he could order them to join the search as well, a new voice interrupted.

"Why. Is there a _cat._ In my office?"

Soundwave turned to find Hook standing in the doorway of said room, one arm cradling Ravage to his chest. Ravage stared back at Soundwave, optics narrowed and tail lashing slowly.

"How did you get in there?" Soundwave demanded. That door had been closed, he'd noticed while studying the room.

"I would guess he followed me," Hook said stiffly, marching up to Soundwave. "I would like to make it clear that I do _not_ want your creations destroying my office."

"Ravage: well behaved," Soundwave countered, offended on Ravage's behalf. He reached out and Hook transferred the limp Cassette to him.

"If he's so well behaved," Hook said, lowering his hands to his hips, "then why does he devolve into a newspark when faced with water?"

"Behavior… Not indicative of maturity," Soundwave admitted.

Ravage bumped his head up under Soundwave's chin, engine purring.

"And you aren't even going to discipline him," Hook deadpanned.

Soundwave reset his vocalizer as subtly as possible and turned away. "Negative. Misbehavior will be suitably punished."

Ravage purred louder.

"Sure. Whatever lets you sleep at night," Hook said.

Soundwave wasn't sure which was more frustrating: that Hook was right, or that Ravage had successfully avoided his bath. Because his only objective now was to collect the rest of the Cassettes and leave this indignity behind.

Preferably _before_ Rumble and Frenzy overpowered Scrapper and defaced the washracks.


End file.
